i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i love accidental penises.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
