Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm always down for nudity.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
