I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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