a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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