Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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