I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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