Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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