Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
