Define "chronic" masturbator.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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