"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
