It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
