Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
