He kissed a someone with a penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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