Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
