i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
a search helicopter?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
