just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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