don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
