forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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