GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
