Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
