i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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