I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
