who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
