yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
