He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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