shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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