There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
