I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
