LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
