Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
