I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
