Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
