I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
