u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
