That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
