I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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