Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
