she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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