I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
