I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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