C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
