Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
