Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
