Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
