It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
