please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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