some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
