Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
