just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.