I will die if light touches me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok