p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome