oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol