i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball