I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.