a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
