I can tuck mytits in my pants
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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