just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
