I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
