I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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