I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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