Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
