All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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