how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
