escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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