Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who died my cat blue again?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
