tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
