u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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