I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
