fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
