The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
