ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
