And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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