this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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