Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
