God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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