Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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