I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
