This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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