The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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