i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
