Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
