$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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