I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
