i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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