I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
