thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
