help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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