Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
