It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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