So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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