I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
