Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
